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Compromised - Locked to capfanboy

'Barton's been compromised.'

Coulson's simple statement, and to the outside observer it would have been as casual of a comment as saying they were serving tomato soup for lunch today, was still echoing in Natasha's mind hours later.

She knew better than to think it was so unemotional of a comment. The almost undetectable edge in Couslon's voice, the hesitation, the worry. The Black Widow picked up all of that, in the voice of the one man she was sure was the most unflappable person in all of SHIELD save Fury. Phil Coulson was worried. Phil Coulson was not sure what was going to happen, or how they should handle a situation. That scared the hell out of her.

She put on the usual hard expression that would keep anyone from bothering her as she made her way down the hall. Yes, she should have been watching Banner and preventing Stark from being...Stark. She should have been making sure poor defrosted Steve wasn't overwhelmed. She should have been doing a lot of things considering there was a crazy god of mischief using her best friend to try and bring the world to it's knees.

But she could spare ten or twenty minutes to go knock a few punching bags around. Natasha wasn't focusing, and that would help no one when it came time to do or die. Especially herself. Hopefully no one with any authority would find her and try and stop her, because she wasn't in much of a mood for 'Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you, sir." She simply wanted to dispense with the distracting thoughts in her head and get on with her life.

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Ever since the evacuation from the base, since Coulson had learned that Clint and Selvig had been taken by Loki. He knew that no one was to blame. There had been no way to predict this. And yet, he still went over everything in his head. What else could they have done? What measures could they have taken?

Phil didn't like the feeling of being helpless. Of not having the answers. He was responsible for his peple and he had let them down. So, he wandered through the halls while they were in aholdin pattern and eventually found his way to the gym.

He almost left when he saw Tasha there, but he remained. Just watching her.

Natasha has already spend several minutes focusing on giving Captain America a run for his money when it comes to training equipment destruction by the time Phil arrives. She knows he's there but she doesn't stop just yet. She's still trying to drown out the last words Clint said to her about the job she took in Russia before she left. He was teasing, she was teasing back and they didn't say a proper goodbye. Now Tasha is wondering if that snark about Clint being too much of a baby to wear the 'undercover' clothes she had to on that job might have been her last words to him.

Natasha lets out a sound that sounds almost tortured when her knuckles split as her fist hit the punching bag. It burns, and that makes her more angry. Without hesitation she pulls a gun from her belt and empties the whole clip into the bag, the bullets hardly slowing before the hit the wall. It's reckless, it's hazardous, and foolish and she doesn't give a damn. She's panting as she surveys the destruction she caused. Not her best work, but not bad for five minutes.

Finally Tasha turns, looking right at the man who's been watching her. She tilts her head, her expression blank, her voice void of all the fear and anger she's still feeling. Natasha picks up a clip to reload her gun. Her hand is bleeding through the tape but she ignores it. "I know, that's not regulation use of training equipment." She's hoping for a lecture now, because she doesn't want to hear Phil say 'Fury wants you to do this' or 'Fury needs you to do that.' but that's what she figures is coming.

Phil's been wearing the same expressionless mask that he always wears. He can't afford to let it fall away and show everyone what he's feeling. The desperation at the loss of one of his best agents, someone he cares about more than he should. He's been Barton's handler for a long time and everyone knows he's the only person who knows how to handle the archer properly. He might be the only person in power Clint respects.

But in front of Tasha, he can feel the mask begin to slip and the worry begins to seep into his face. True he hadn't worked with her as long, but the three of them functioned well together. She and Barton were alike in many ways.

Phil has no lectures left in him. He knows he should sleep before hell breaks loose, he's tried and sleep never came. He rubs his eyes, looking at the mess and then to her.

"I'll deal with the Director." Though Phil is certain Fury will understand.

She knows, at least in part, how Phil must be feeling. It's the same feeling she had when her chasing after Sofia got Perez and Gruber killed. Did her leaving her partner here for some damned side job leave Barton vulnerable?

Phil saved her her life that day in Moscow when Sofia nearly drowned her, just like he's done so many times. She's seen that look on his face before, the same one he had when he yanked her nearly hypothermic shock taken body from that icy water.

Tasha looks him over, stepping closer with nearly silent footsteps. She feels guilty for the mess, for the fact she's another one of Phil Coulson's headaches. She doesn't want to be.

The fact he'll talk to Fury doesn't matter. The Director owes her for going to Calcutta and getting Banner. Sure, Fury doesn't feel that way but Tasha isn't too concerned about Fury. Or SHIELD or anyone except Barton. Well, Barton and...

"Coulson?" She uses his last name for the distance of it. The look on his face is mirrored on hers. "Um..." Natasha hesitates. Hesitates ...and it's confusing the hell out of her. "Are you OK?"

"I know I took you out of an important mission. Thank you for getting back with Banner so quickly." Phil runs a hand over his face and moves to sit on the nearest bench. Finally, it all falls away and for once, Phil shows signs of weakness. He can't hide it anymore and if anything, he feels like he doesn't have to with Tasha.

"I didn't know he made it out, not until I made it back to the ground and Fury told me what happened to him." Phil hadn't even cared about what happened to Selvig. Clint had been his priority first and foremost.

"This isn't something any of us were prepared for. When we were out in the desert, when we encountered the Destroyer. That was the first sign that there was more going on in the universe. We need the Avengers now more than ever."

"it wasn't..." She begins before he does something so unexpected she had no idea how to react. Phil Coulson is unflappable. Phil Coulson is the picture of calm, professional agent who doesn't so much as blink in the face of danger. He's... God he looks like hell sitting there.

Natasha clamps her mouth shut as she listens to him. It's like he's trying to brief her on the situation but it's lacking that usual... everything She wrinkles her nose, looking him over. Maybe that man that she thought she knew so well all this time she doesn't know at all. There's a hell of a lot more to Phil then just 'Agent'. She knew there had to be but she'd never seen it before now.

She swallows back the knot growing in her throat, the tightness in her chest pressing on her. Don't panic. Natasha reminds herself. Think like Phil...what would Phil do if he was...?

Damn, he looks like might just start panicking.

"Phil." Natasha's voice is stained, helpless. She hates it when her voice does that. "The Avengers aren't..." She thinks of the way Tony and Steve were fighting on the plane. There's no way they can work together and get anything done. Banner and Thor? That's just hopeless. Everything about all of them is such a clusterfuck.

...and she has no idea the real clusterfuck hasn't even begun yet.

Natasha can't stand to see him like this. Hopeless, afraid. Lost. He's Agent Coulson for God's sake. He's the man Nick Fury trusts with everything. Natasha can't take it. So she does what she was trained to do.

She lies.

"We'll find... him." She doesn't say who but they both know she means Barton. She sits next to him, hesitating a moment before her hand reaches out to find his, squeezing tightly. "The Avengers will take care of this." Somehow...she's got no clue how.

Phil is grateful for her hand in his. It's something to ground him. He knows he has to get everything back under control, but for one moment, this is what he needs. And he's not sure he would trust anyone else with it. Anyone else would use it as ammunition later. After the dust settles. Look at the great Agent Coulson. He's just like the rest of us. And that may be true, but he can't give that away.

What no one knows is that Fury and Coulson were already working on a strategy. Something that wouldbring all of them together the way they should. They just couldn't let anyone else in on it.

"When it comes down to it, they'll work together. They'll have to put their egos aside. Because they're the only ones who can do this."

Coulson believes in them. All of them even Stark.

"I ordered him to take you out. Even as he argued with me. But I trusted his judgement. I took a lot of heat for with Fury over that. And I told him, if it turned out he as wrong, he was putting the bullet in you himself." Phil takes a breath and releases it. He's not sure why he's telling her all this, but he can't stop it. "It didn't take me long to realize he'd made the right call. After that, I never doubted him."

He never struck her as a man that would need to be grounded. Grounded and calm was his default state but now... Something is bothering him, more than the situation at hand. Natasha can read even the hardest to crack person like an open book but Phil...it's like he's written in a language she could never hope to understand. Just when she thought she'd figured him out, too.

If Natasha knew what he and Fury were planning, she'd drop his hand and proceed to knock the shit out of him without hesitation. She's played mindgames in the past. Hell, she still does it now but to enemies, not friends. Not people who trust you. If she finds out, she may have a very hard time forgiving him.

"Kind of makes me feel bad for telling the Director Stark wasn't cut out for this." Natasha doesn't have that faith, but her and Phil aren't cut from the same cloth. She's learned that if you assume the worst of people, and of situations, you gain the advantage that lets you live another day. This time that philosophy won't work and it's terrifying.

Then Phil does something unexpected. He brings up that. The moment everything changed. He tells her he's the one who ordered the Black Widow be put down, he's the one who sent Barton. She knew all this of course but the motivations were never reveled until now.

Natasha listens, the hand she has around his tightening so hard her hand goes numb. Finally she tears it away from him, standing in a huff. "Stop it, Coulson." She manages to choke out. Phil might be reminiscing, reminding himself of how much he trusts Clint but Natasha's not taking it like that. "Stop talking about Barton like he's....he's..." already gone.

No one will know what they are planning. At least not until it's too late. Phil knows that it's taking a risk. And he knows how certain people would react if they found out about it. For someone who is so used to keeping secrets, this was one he was dreading. And he's hoping it doesn't have to come to that.

"We'll get him back, Tasha. I'm not going to give up on him. We'll find a way to get him back."

Leave no man behind.

Phil runs a hand through his hair and his back straightens. It's almost as if everything is falling back into place. The mask settling in again. For the moment.

"He was right about you, Tasha. And I trust you the as much as I trust him. Hell is going to break loose and I'm going to need someone I trust."

Of course he's hoping it won't. No one wants to die. Well, OK there have been times in her life Natasha was damn close but this isn't the same. If what could happen happens, Phil is planning on making the ultimate sacrifice. That makes him a bigger hero than even Captain America. She'll realize that. Perhaps too late because much like Tony she's not the one to make the sacrifice play, but Natasha isn't blind or stupid. Stubborn and thinks she knows what's best, sure, but not blind or stupid. ~~Usually.~~

Then, there he is again. Cool, confident Agent Coulson. It should be a comfort, him being 'himself' again, but somehow it's not. Tasha's seen a weakness in him now she won't be able to forget. She knows Phil's human, of course, but something about what just happened lets her see he's...really real.

She can't address the compliment. The fact he trusts her. She trust him, too. There's one other man on the planet she trusts as much as him, and that man is lost. Truly lost, perhaps forever, in spite of Phil's confidence. Natasha's never been much of an optimist.

When he says needs someone he can trust, that's too much for her to deal with. She's...no that's not what he means. Phil's simply stating his alliances. Of course he is. Why would he mean anything else, especially now? She's not special. she's just...an agent. Just like him.

Not at all like him. He's so much better than she could ever hope to be.

Natasha doesn't say a word. Instead she reaches her hand out and tries to fix his hair. What the hell is she even thinking doing that? A man who wears their hair like that shouldn't be doing any finger running. It messes up more than it fixes.

Natasha tells herself she can't let him go back to work with it mussed like that. It would be proper. It wouldn't be him, but her fingers linger a bit too long, gently stroking though his hair as she notices...everything. Texture, color, warmth, scent. Things that have always been there but went unnoticed by her until this moment. In her touch there's something more tender, something more than simply...trust. It takes her too long to realize what she's doing. Surely he'll notice before she does.

Edited 2012-08-18 09:57 (UTC)

Phil leans toward Tasha a bit when she reaches out and there's a soft smile on his lips. He knows he should pull away, that this is far too familiar for an agent and her handler. But right now, Phil can't find it in himself to care. He's spent the better part of his life being the stoic secret agent. Keeping everything under wraps. Not exactly the best way to form relationships, but he's been married to his job. Her hand is there only a moment too long before he's reaching up for it, fingers locking loosely around her wrist. He pulls it away, but he doesn't release it. And he's really not certain why.

He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again, not sure what he wants to say. Not sure if there's anything he can say. Instead, he looks at their hands for a moment. They both have blood on their hands, though few people realize it of Coulson. He's not just the mild-mannered man in a suit. One doesn't get to where he is in the SHIELD ranks by sitting in an office doing paperwork. Though God knows, he does enjoy the routine that brings.

"I don't know what's going to happen over the next few days, Tasha. Not even Fury knows. Whatever happens, though..." He stops because he still can't put things into words. So he just gives her a smile. A rare thing for him.

Perhaps that's why her fingers stay where they are. He's not discouraging her from doing it with that smile by any means. She can understand that feeling of having to wear a mask all to well. Natasha has spent so much of her life pretending to be someone else that sometimes she wonders if 'Natasha Romanoff' is even a real person. Surely the Black Widow wouldn't do something as foolhardy as initiating that kind of contact with a man who has such authority over her. Tasha, however, doesn't even notice what she's doing, not until he reaches for her hand and ...damn it.

She nearly jerks away at the feeling of his fingers around her wrist. In that instant Natasha freezes, her entire body tensing as she assumes she's stepped over an invisible line, pushed past a boundary she was never meant to even consider pushing past. Her jaw drops open then clamps shut again. Much like him she has no idea what to say, if anything. She knows very well how dangerous a man he can be. Not the details, of course, but no one gets to be Level Seven without a few casualties. A few splashes of red on a perfect ledger. She watches him as he looks at their hands, staring so intently at the unexpected closeness and the gentle way he's trapped her wrist that she almost doesn't hear him speak.

Natasha looks at him, eyes searching every details of his face as she listens. She can't get a read on him, and normally that would make someone like her very angry to not figure someone out quickly. Phil's exempt from that, though...she's not supposed to have him figured out.

Is she?

No one can see the outcome, they can't even try to make a guess. This is nothing any of them have ever experienced or trained for. They're out of their depths, all of them, right on up to the Director himself.'Whatever happens, though...' The way Phil suddenly stops, the way he smiles only throws her another proverbial curve ball. She doesn't like it. "Whatever happens, though what?" Natasha spits out before she can stop herself.

"Thank you, Tasha. I risked a lot when I brought you in. Fury put it on my head if you didn't work out. You proved that you were worth the risk." Few people really know the relationship between Coulson and the Director. Just how long the two of them have known each other. Fury trusted Coulson's judgement. Even if, to use Fury's words, Coulson made a stupid ass decision.

He finally releases her, knowing that he's crossed an unwritten line. Though he doesn't look like he regrets it. There's a look of calm on his features, different than usual. Something else playing over the surface.

"I know what getting him back means to you. It means something to me too." Phil had given Barton a chance once upon a time. When he was a punk kid no one wanted. Phil almost feels responsible for him. Even if he isn't a kid anymore.

After another moment, he stands and takes a step closer to her. "We're a team."

Why is Phil...babbling like that? Well, not babbling, but he's talking like he's never going to see her again. if Natasha was in her right state of mind she'd be picking up on what he's doing, why he's thanking her, telling her things like how she was worth the risk. But, she's not. Loki's interrogation shook her up so much she's not thinking clearly. It wasn't all an act and when she looks back she'll regret missing completely what Coulson was trying to do then.

When he lets go of her wrist Tasha looks almost disappointed, that sudden closeness, the strength and comfort in it suddenly gone. She looks down at her wrist, absently rubbing at the skin as she listens. Yes, she wants Barton back. He's her partner, he's the man that didn't shoot that arrow into her chest and kill her. But now she knows Phil took just as big of a risk on her. His head. How literal was that bargain? You never can tell with Nick Fury.

Natasha almost, almost takes a step back when he moves closer but that would be, hell it'd be plain weird. Can't have things being weird now can we? She wrinkles her nose when he says they're a team. They're not a team, none of the guys on this helicarrier want to be here. None of them want to work together or even be around each other except...

Oh...

Again she finds it hard to speak, to do anything but try to keep her eyes from darting around the room to avoid looking anywhere but at him. Finally she calms herself enough to look him right in the eyes. "We?"

"I'm still your handler, Tasha. Even with Barton gone, Even with the Avengers Initiative. I don't know how the next few days are going to play out. I don't even know if any of this is going to matter. But for now, SHIELD is all that stands in the way of Loki's plan. I need you to trust me."

What he's planning may change her opinion of him. He knows that. But it's a sacrifice he knows he has to make and he's willing to do it.

Without thinking, he reaches out and pulls her into a tight hug. Holding her close for as long as she'll let him.

"I trust you" She looks him over carefully, studying everything. His posture, his tone of voice, the way he's breathing. The man is everything a professional and gives nothing away about what he's really feeling. Not until...

The hug, or rather the suddenness and strength of it, truly catches her off guard. Natasha freezes, her entire body rigid for a moment until she has time to process this.

What IS this? Phil Coulson, the ultimate example of calm professional detached agent, is hugging her. And she's hugging him back. Natasha twists her arms around him, burying her head against him as though he can somehow make everything that's happened stop happening. He can't. She knows, deep down, under all that authority and skill and, hell, power...he's just a man. That's all any of them are now. They're only human.

Natasha unconsciously rubs her face against him, once again noticing things she never did before. The way he smells, how warm he feels, the way his heart's beating. She should not be noticing things like that. Not now...not...not with him.

"I should go." She mutters softly, not letting go of him at all. "We should both go."

Phil hasn't slept much in the past few hours. He's been replaying the scene of the base collapsing over and over in his mind. It was in that moment that he knew they had gotten themselves in deep and there was no going back. They were fighting a battle they would be lucky to win.

His hold on her tightens, even as she says they should go. He doesn't want to let go. Not before...Before what? He's not sure. He hasn't been certain of anything since the night Loki showed up.

He takes a deep breath and pulls back far enough to look at her. "Natasha..." Phil's always been a man of few words. Actions came easier to him. So instead of saying anything else, he closes the distance between them again, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. Many would consider it a foolish act, but Phil doesn't consider himself to be much of a fool.

Her entire body tenses when she feels him hold her tighter. Natasha has no idea what's happening, but she doesn't fight him. She doesn't want to fight him. She's just as confused, afraid and uncertain of everything as he is. Nothing will ever be the same after what Loki did and doubtlessly will do. Who they are, who they'll all need to become to fight this, no one knows. Everything is changing so fast.

Except him. Tasha can't help but think Phil's the only person who hasn't done something that completely caught her off guard or shocked her in all this mess.

Until....

Natasha freezes even more (if that's possible) the moment his lips hit hers, but it only takes a second before she feels like she's more relaxed than she can remember feeling in a very long time. Something about that familiarity, the comfort and safety of him being...him nearly knocks her off her feet. She kisses him back, pressing her lips and her body hard against him as though she feels she has some right to do it. It only lasts for a few moments before her mind starts screaming at her. Tasha jerks her head away, eyes darting wildly around his face until she locks her eyes on his. "I..." She stumbles and stutters, her breathing like she's been running for her life and finally stopped. "Uh..." She has no idea what just happened. He kissed her. Phil Coulson fucking kissed her and...

God damn, it felt so good she forgot how to talk.

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Compromised - Locked to capfanboy

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