Paradise - for angryinsecret

[kick_ass_curls]

What had happened at dinner was still bothering Natasha in subtle ways. She knew Bruce was a cautious man, hiding behind all that sarcasm and joking nature. She too was extremely guarded, never letting anyone close for fear she'd damage them, they would damage her, or both. The two of them together? That was asking for trouble.

Yet here she stood, waiting for him to take her to the ballet of all places. Natasha  couldn't deny the fact he'd actually agreed shocked her. What shocked her more was that she'd suggested it. The dancing, that part of her questionable history, really was something she didn't hate about herself. It made her feel like something worthwhile and beautiful came from such a shattered and bloody past.  Still she knew being this close to it again would make her uncomfortable. Which in turn could make Bruce uncomfortable, which could...

Oh, she didn't want to think about it. Natasha couldn't think about it. The whole reason she was dealing with setting up the date was to keep Bruce as relaxed and calm as possible.

She plastered on a smile and leaned against the limo, wondering how Dr. Bruce Banner would look in a suit. Just the thought of it made her smile a little more real. 

Comments

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

Bruce had gone to a lot of trouble to prepare for this date. He'd faced one of the few things he genuinely hated - shopping - to get a suit. One way or another Tasha was repeatedly putting him in uncomfortable situations, and things continued to work out, so he kept the faith and trudged through. Luckily the store he went to also took care of alterations, so that saved him.

He'd chosen navy blue. He couldn't explain why. Maybe because black seemed to formal, and gray didn't seen formal enough. Now that he was walking towards her, though, any thought of his own apparel disappeared. She was stunning, and he was speechless. Hopefully the goofy ear-to-ear grin he was wearing would speak for itself.

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

She doesn't mean to make him uncomfortable, but that is something Natasha excels at without having to try. What she was anything but used to was giving a damn that she did. But, it was always that way with Bruce. She didn't want to drag him back to SHIELD from Calcutta, she didn't want to put him in that situation. She cared about him from the moment she met him. That was unique for her, and something that took her a while to accept was even true.

Tasha pushes away from the limo, her smile only widening as she walks up to meet him. Her eyes run over every part of him, from the way he's combed his hair to the shoes he chose. Her expression shifts to one of contemplation before she leans forward to press a small kiss to his lips. She's allowed to do that, isn't she? "I approve, Dr. Banner."

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

He is pleasantly surprised by the kiss. He was not aware they had progressed to casual kissing. Did that make her his girlfriend? He had dated so little that he had no clue.

"I had help." Yes, lots of help, from a gaggle of salesgirls who had taken him under their wing as some sort of pet project. The more uncomfortable he'd gotten under their scrutiny, the more adorable they had found him.

"You look..." There weren't words to describe how incredible she looked. Hair styled to flatter her face and neck, makeup flawless, the dress... the dress stirred things inside him he'd thought long dead. In his heart and in his pants.

"Take every superlative in the dictionary and put them together. Stuntabulous?"

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

Natasha has never been the kind of woman who didn't pursue what she wanted, and she wanted to kiss him. It's as simple as that. In fact she'd been unable to stop thinking about doing it again since the first time it happened. Tasha keeps her hands on him, one resting on his arm as the other inspects the suit he's wearing. "Don't tell me that. It ruins the effect." She says sternly, as though she's giving him a lesson on how to be sneaky with the truth. "Your little science buddy help you pick this out?" Tasha asks teasingly.

She steps back, looking down at the dress she actually took several attempts to decide on. She smiles sweetly, and does a small spin before landing on her toes like the most innocent girl in the world. "This old thing? It was all I had clean." Tasha steps a little closer, looking at him affectionately. "But thanks." There's another kiss then, but on his cheek this time.

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

"My little... you mean Stark?" He supposed he had developed somewhat of a friendship with Tony, even if he was constantly telling him what he should and shouldn't be doing to handle his condition.

Her spin has him grinning. He could see the ballerina in her more clearly now. "If that's old, I can't wait to see new things." Then she's close again, kissing his cheek, and his hand moves to rest on her hip. His eyes drift shut as he breathes her in, a mix of soap and subtle perfurme. He reaches behind her and opens the car door, then bows and offers his hand.

"Shall we?"

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

"Do you have other science buddies I should know about?" Tasha tilts her head slightly, a teasing grin on her face. It doesn't stay there long, though. "You look wonderful. I...like this look on you. You look happy. Relaxed."

The moves she mastered when she was younger are a bit easier in heels over boots, but not much. If Bruce really wanted to catch her one of the old training rooms at SHIELD headquarters would be the place to look. Natasha almost flinches when he touches her, but she hides it well save glancing down at his hand on her hip. She has control issues, and this is no different. She wants this to work, whatever it is and in order for that to happen Bruce needs to be calm, doesn't he? It won't due to have him Hulking out in the middle of the ballet.

"A gentleman, too?" She smiles and nods slightly. A curtsy would be too over the top. "That wasn't in your file." Tasha teases as she takes his hand.

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

"I didn't know people were calling us that." Bruce liked to remain ignorant of these things. Most of the stuff that came out of Tony's mouth ended up on his 'wish I could delete from my brain' list anyway.

She thought he was relaxed? That made him laugh, a deep, genuine laugh almost accompanied by a snort.

"There's a lot about me that isn't in my file. Now get in the car or we'll be late." He squeezed her hand, though, before shooing her into the car.

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

"I think the term Tony uses is 'Science Bro.'" That may be another of the things that Bruce wants to forget Tony said. It's not important to Natasha, though. Yes, she respects Bruce for his brilliance, but his intelligence isn't all he is.

That laugh makes her tilt her head, one eyebrow arching over dramatically. "Dr. Banner, did I say something funny?" Even so, the laughter will gain him a smile back; a real affectionate smile because him laughing isn't something she sees much. It's cute. No it's more than cute. Tasha makes a note to get him to laugh more often, somehow.

She's perfectly fine with being directed into the car, though she does pull his arm harder than needed to get him to come along with her. Natasha leans against the seat, head rested on the back as she considers her answer. "I do believe that's the whole point of going on a date with someone, Bruce. Getting to know the things about them no one else does." The right way. The normal way. She smiles, keeping her hand in his. "So get started. Tell me about Bruce Banner, everything that isn't in your file."

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

He wished she would stop calling it a date. It just made his anxiety level rise.

"Everything?" Where do you start? He squeezed her hand and did his best not to feel like he was on the spot. Which he totally was.

"I wear size 11 shoes. The haircut I got today was the first one I've had in six months. When I was ten we couldn't afford to get a microwave, so I made us one out of pieces I scrounged from dumpsters. I bet it still works, too."

He takes a peek out the window to see what direction they're going on. "Your turn."

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

They're together on an outing with the intent of furthering a romantic relationship. That's a date by definition. Tasha remains calm, tilting her head as she listens to him. She can't help smiling more as he goes on. He really is brilliant, and resourceful.

Then she's on the spot and she's not sure what to say. "I grew up in Russia." Which is in her files. "My parents died when I was a child, I don't even really remember them." Not her real parents, that is. The memories she was meant to think were her parents...no, she doesn't want to think about that. She'd much rather focus on him instead of herself.

"I like your hair." Tasha reaches out her hand that he's not holding, lighting running her fingers though his hair. "I like you." She smiles gently, shifting a bit closer to him. "I'm pretty sure you like me, don't you?" Tasha asks softly, her fingers still in his hair as the thumb of her other hand plays over his. He wouldn't be here if he didn't like her, and she wouldn't if she didn't like him. That much is obvious.

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

"Natasha..." he said softly, catching the hand that was messing up his perfectly styled hair. She was deflecting and it was obvious.

"If I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and putting on a suit and going to the ballet, then you can do it to. I'm not a mark that you can seduce into doing what you want." He ran the tip of his index finger down the side of her cheek. "I want to know you. The real you. Only the truth, If you don't want to talk about the past, then stick with the present."

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on. It's not that obvious, is it? She stops with the act when he captures her hand, and the gentle touch only makes her want to draw herself into a ball and pull away from him. Before, it was on her terms. She did the teasing, the flirting and this is so...real.

"No one knows the real me." Natasha says, fighting the fear of getting close as she presses her cheek closer to his hand. "That's the truth, Bruce. So much of what I am..." She shivers like she's been doused in icy water. "They made me." Tasha says simply. "When I was just a little girl, the Russians...they made me into a weapon. It's all I've even known that was real and..." She looks down, her voice trembling. "The ballet...that was a cover. They put it in my head so that if I was ever compromised, I wouldn't know what I was really doing."

It's not what he asked. She could have easily told him what she had for breakfast, where she got the shoes she's wearing or anything else from the 'present' but she doesn't want to. She needs...someone, and she wants it to be him. Natasha's only fear now? That telling him the truth will make him bolt fast than she could blink.

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

It wasn't what he had asked, but it was a glimpse into her heart and he could not ask for more than that.

"Then why do you keep doing it? The ballet. If it only reminds you of what was done to you and taken from you, why not stop?" Why were they even going to the ballet. He wanted to tell the driver to stop, or turn around and take them somewhere completely different. If she truly hated everything about her past, then he wanted to create new memories that she would not want to hide from later.

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

Somewhere inside her she questions that too. Why does she keep doing it? The answer is something she discovered a long time ago. Natasha pulls back, looking up at him. "Because it's the only good thing that came out of that time of my life." That isn't true. The Russians made her a weapon, and she's using that skill-set for good now. She saves lives; saves the world. That should help her find peace but somehow the ballet, something so beautiful and graceful and non-violent is the thing she clings to.

She smiles gently, looking into his eyes a moment. "You didn't stop being a doctor just because you changed and..." Natasha is afraid to mention the other guy. "You didn't stop. It's the same thing."

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

He nodded, seeing the logic in it over the emotional difficulty it caused.

"Sometimes I wonder if I would have changed and done something completely different if I didn't need the knowledge I already had to try and cure myself. I struggled for a long time searching for a solution in science. The answer ended up being in my heart, not my mind." He wasn't even trying to be subtle with her any more.

"You're doing it too, using what you used to hate to try and do good instead. Just make sure that's the only reason to hang onto it, okay? Life's too short to hang onto things from the past that make us unhappy." He drew his index finger along her jaw, tempted to kiss her again.

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

She can appreciate that, more than anything. That's what makes Bruce so damned attractive. He doesn't lie, he doesn't try and protect her from the truth. She knows, very well, that deep down he's fighting a terrifying force inside himself but even so he owns it. He doesn't pretend the Hulk doesn't exist. He deals with his mistake, any way he can. He's the bravest man she's ever known for doing that.

"I..." Natasha closes her eyes a moment, weighing if she truly is happy. Now, in this moment she is. She hasn't felt this...safe in longer than she can remember. It would be funny really, considering what happened on the Helicarrier. She presses her cheek against his hand again before turning to press a soft kiss to his lips. It doesn't last long, just enough to show him how much she appreciates what he's saying. "Thank you." Tasha pulls back slightly, unsure what to do now.