Paradise - for angryinsecret

[kick_ass_curls]

What had happened at dinner was still bothering Natasha in subtle ways. She knew Bruce was a cautious man, hiding behind all that sarcasm and joking nature. She too was extremely guarded, never letting anyone close for fear she'd damage them, they would damage her, or both. The two of them together? That was asking for trouble.

Yet here she stood, waiting for him to take her to the ballet of all places. Natasha  couldn't deny the fact he'd actually agreed shocked her. What shocked her more was that she'd suggested it. The dancing, that part of her questionable history, really was something she didn't hate about herself. It made her feel like something worthwhile and beautiful came from such a shattered and bloody past.  Still she knew being this close to it again would make her uncomfortable. Which in turn could make Bruce uncomfortable, which could...

Oh, she didn't want to think about it. Natasha couldn't think about it. The whole reason she was dealing with setting up the date was to keep Bruce as relaxed and calm as possible.

She plastered on a smile and leaned against the limo, wondering how Dr. Bruce Banner would look in a suit. Just the thought of it made her smile a little more real. 

Comments

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

He wished she would stop calling it a date. It just made his anxiety level rise.

"Everything?" Where do you start? He squeezed her hand and did his best not to feel like he was on the spot. Which he totally was.

"I wear size 11 shoes. The haircut I got today was the first one I've had in six months. When I was ten we couldn't afford to get a microwave, so I made us one out of pieces I scrounged from dumpsters. I bet it still works, too."

He takes a peek out the window to see what direction they're going on. "Your turn."

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

They're together on an outing with the intent of furthering a romantic relationship. That's a date by definition. Tasha remains calm, tilting her head as she listens to him. She can't help smiling more as he goes on. He really is brilliant, and resourceful.

Then she's on the spot and she's not sure what to say. "I grew up in Russia." Which is in her files. "My parents died when I was a child, I don't even really remember them." Not her real parents, that is. The memories she was meant to think were her parents...no, she doesn't want to think about that. She'd much rather focus on him instead of herself.

"I like your hair." Tasha reaches out her hand that he's not holding, lighting running her fingers though his hair. "I like you." She smiles gently, shifting a bit closer to him. "I'm pretty sure you like me, don't you?" Tasha asks softly, her fingers still in his hair as the thumb of her other hand plays over his. He wouldn't be here if he didn't like her, and she wouldn't if she didn't like him. That much is obvious.

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

"Natasha..." he said softly, catching the hand that was messing up his perfectly styled hair. She was deflecting and it was obvious.

"If I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and putting on a suit and going to the ballet, then you can do it to. I'm not a mark that you can seduce into doing what you want." He ran the tip of his index finger down the side of her cheek. "I want to know you. The real you. Only the truth, If you don't want to talk about the past, then stick with the present."

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on. It's not that obvious, is it? She stops with the act when he captures her hand, and the gentle touch only makes her want to draw herself into a ball and pull away from him. Before, it was on her terms. She did the teasing, the flirting and this is so...real.

"No one knows the real me." Natasha says, fighting the fear of getting close as she presses her cheek closer to his hand. "That's the truth, Bruce. So much of what I am..." She shivers like she's been doused in icy water. "They made me." Tasha says simply. "When I was just a little girl, the Russians...they made me into a weapon. It's all I've even known that was real and..." She looks down, her voice trembling. "The ballet...that was a cover. They put it in my head so that if I was ever compromised, I wouldn't know what I was really doing."

It's not what he asked. She could have easily told him what she had for breakfast, where she got the shoes she's wearing or anything else from the 'present' but she doesn't want to. She needs...someone, and she wants it to be him. Natasha's only fear now? That telling him the truth will make him bolt fast than she could blink.

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

It wasn't what he had asked, but it was a glimpse into her heart and he could not ask for more than that.

"Then why do you keep doing it? The ballet. If it only reminds you of what was done to you and taken from you, why not stop?" Why were they even going to the ballet. He wanted to tell the driver to stop, or turn around and take them somewhere completely different. If she truly hated everything about her past, then he wanted to create new memories that she would not want to hide from later.

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

Somewhere inside her she questions that too. Why does she keep doing it? The answer is something she discovered a long time ago. Natasha pulls back, looking up at him. "Because it's the only good thing that came out of that time of my life." That isn't true. The Russians made her a weapon, and she's using that skill-set for good now. She saves lives; saves the world. That should help her find peace but somehow the ballet, something so beautiful and graceful and non-violent is the thing she clings to.

She smiles gently, looking into his eyes a moment. "You didn't stop being a doctor just because you changed and..." Natasha is afraid to mention the other guy. "You didn't stop. It's the same thing."

[angryinsecret.livejournal.com]

He nodded, seeing the logic in it over the emotional difficulty it caused.

"Sometimes I wonder if I would have changed and done something completely different if I didn't need the knowledge I already had to try and cure myself. I struggled for a long time searching for a solution in science. The answer ended up being in my heart, not my mind." He wasn't even trying to be subtle with her any more.

"You're doing it too, using what you used to hate to try and do good instead. Just make sure that's the only reason to hang onto it, okay? Life's too short to hang onto things from the past that make us unhappy." He drew his index finger along her jaw, tempted to kiss her again.

[kick-ass-curls.livejournal.com]

She can appreciate that, more than anything. That's what makes Bruce so damned attractive. He doesn't lie, he doesn't try and protect her from the truth. She knows, very well, that deep down he's fighting a terrifying force inside himself but even so he owns it. He doesn't pretend the Hulk doesn't exist. He deals with his mistake, any way he can. He's the bravest man she's ever known for doing that.

"I..." Natasha closes her eyes a moment, weighing if she truly is happy. Now, in this moment she is. She hasn't felt this...safe in longer than she can remember. It would be funny really, considering what happened on the Helicarrier. She presses her cheek against his hand again before turning to press a soft kiss to his lips. It doesn't last long, just enough to show him how much she appreciates what he's saying. "Thank you." Tasha pulls back slightly, unsure what to do now.